The Minor Crime at Christmastime

by Chris Page

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Year 8!

This years addition to the Christmas record is a cover of a super creepy song from the 1920s by Reverend Edward W. Clayborn.

I first heard this song on the amazing compilation 'Where Will You Be This Christmas' put out in 2004 by the amazing Dust To Digital imprint.

I'm not sure if it's the dark lyrics or the drone-y melody that does its best to lure the listener into a trance-like state, but either way, this song has become a bit of an obsession over the years.

The lyrics preach the evils of vices and commercialization of the 1920s!

I would love to know what Reverend Clayborn would think of Christmas here in 2015, almost 100 years later.

You can hear the original here, and be sure to watch the incredibly interesting posters that make up the video.



And what the happy Christmas is this compiliation, anyway?

It's a growing project that I've been adding to each year... and it consists of original, stripped down songs about plastic reindeer, yearly scotch and going for Pho in your snowsuit.

So come home from the mall and help me kick out the lights.

Merry Christmas to all my fave hosers and hosettes.

-- Chris, 2015.


released November 27, 2013

All songs by Chris with the exception of "Ornament" written by my pal Shuyler Jansen (see song description for links and credits). And of course the Reverend Edward W. Clayborn cover!



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Chris Page Ottawa, Ontario

Songwriting for indie garage bands Expanda Fuzz, Camp Radio, The Stand GT, and all these solo folk songs I strum quietly to myself, just below the din.

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Track Name: The Minor Crime at Christmastime (7" version on 51f records)
I heard you slurring Christmas songs
To plastic reindeer on the lawn
But you make angels sing
With Winter hopes of Spring
And sprits lifting

Snowflakes sting inside my eyes
And I can't sing to save my life
When its Good King Wenceslas
And the crime is senseless
Then I'm not dreaming

They illuminate my street
And throw an empty stare at me
So you say
Let it slide, let it snow, let it die
This Christmastime
Track Name: Party Down, Tinsel Town
It's Christmas to the rescue
Burn the malls in tinsel town
A wrong turn December
And we'll escape the Christmas sounds

I'm alone this Christmas
To shovel all the snow
Think of me and the garland
And we can go for Pho

You're my rare find this Christmastime

Christmas to the rescue
Once a year I drink scotch
So hold me til the New Year
And I won't wear a watch

You're my rare find at Christmastime
Track Name: I Saw Santa Sliding On A Cafeteria Tray
I saw santa sliding on a cafeteria tray
Now I know that's how she probably got away

I woke up staring at the ceiling and I hope you understand
That I realize I only loved you for your student meal plan

Dark rum is good food for Christmas dinner
Track Name: The Wrong Way To Celebrate Christmas (by Reverend Edward W. Clayborn)
"On the twenty-fifth of December, 1928 it's a national issue of heaven to the world that it's Jesus's birthday.
Some people use the wrong way to celebrate Christmas day.
Some people who work every day and draws good money every pay and here is what the same people said I wanna spend my money and have my way.
Some people use the wrong way to celebrate Christmas day.
While the church is praying on Christmas Day other people are roaming the streets and drinking their soul away.
Some people use the wrong way to celebrate Christmas day. "
Track Name: Left Of The Christmas Dial
Come home from the mall and help me kick out the lights!
Track Name: The Minor Crime at Christmastime (breaking TVs at the dump version)
I heard you slurring Christmas songs!
Track Name: Stocking Stuffer (mellow acoustic version)
And just as Shane had said: "We'll never see another one"
Track Name: Stocking Stuffer - (The Stand GT version: hear the crackle from that glorious vinyl!)
Merry Christmas Chris, yourself!